i was looking through the odac website which belongs now to the 22nd batch and i cried. i dunno why i got so emotional, just that seeing them do the things we used to take so much pride and joy in doing, i feel robbed, jealous, deprived. undeniably im really proud that the 22nd has managed to keep the odac spirit going and shining brightly, but i feel that even after one whole year, i haven been able to step aside and see that i've moved on and now, im no longer part of that chionging, mad, crazy group, who would go to great lengths to push themselves, to see themselves suffer, all in the name of sporting pride, and proving to oneself that we can do it if we want to. that spirit of mind over matter, that sense of unspoken trust between one another, knowing with full confidence that if i collapse, they will do all they can to get me to safety. the huddling together in the cold wind, the loud cheerful singing around the campfire, the telling and retelling of old stories, the singing of OUR songs, the cheering, the hot chocolate and the instant mashed potatoes. that "come on rina, you can do it. i noe u can." that sense of oneness. every photo that we looked deliriously happy in, the sense of pride that we've conquered our limits and reached the top of two mountains together.

its impossible to put into words what we've been through. everything that we've done together, 20th, is really held close to my heart, and i'll never ever forget those wonderful experiences.

to quote what we often say, i had the time of my life. i really had.

maybe thats why its so hard to let go.